Abundance

I've never been one to care about material possession - I lived out of my suitcase over the past few years. I've always thought I could just survive with the bare essentials. And yes, I did survive...but why just aim to survive? My new aim is to build a strong foundation to be able to make a difference. To be able to help others reach their goals. It's funny, the paradox that I've been grasping, is that in order to help others, you need to help yourself first. So that's what I'm doing right now, helping my physical body get into tip top shape, feeding my mind of challenges and learning new things, and helping my soul build its spirituality and tap into higher consciousness.

I know that when I did Deepak Chopras 21 day abundance meditation in November, I didn't even know what abundance was (nor did I know how to meditate). I thought it was a bad thing - to have more than you need. I am not sure where I learned to associate abundance to selfish hoarding of stuff but thats what I truly thought. Deepak showed me that abundance is to be, do and have a life filled with love, joy. harmony, peace, health and vitality. And I also learned that abundance is not something that ever runs out...that everyone has the opportunity to create their own abundance (from an unlimited source). Abundance isn't a bad thing. It's truly knowing what you need, and getting it. And now when I look back at the past few months and the goals I had set for myself, I'm really living it.

As I look around, a Tchaikovsky symphony is playing on my TV...beautiful pots and pans hang in my kitchen on the new shelf I installed...and my view is of the CN Tower as I type on my thin macbook air. I'm in my pajamas with the heat blasted and smells of my italian wedding quinoa soup I made for the week is fading away replaced with my vanilla scented candles.

In a blink of an eye it seems...just over the past few months that I decided that the best thing to do for myself is to live on my own...I've accumulated stuff and did just that. Thank goodness for my generous friends who gave me furniture and helped me move in and get settled. And thank goodness I've been a pack rat - saving beautiful pictures of my past lives and loved ones and mementos to scatter all around my place.

And you know what, every single item in here I'm truly grateful for. I mean...I think if a hurricane were to come or a thief to take any of this stuff...it really would suck. But considering that it took me only a few months to move into a home with nothing...I will always remember that starting from scratch again...won't be that bad.

I feel comfortable. Everywhere I look triggers a great memory. I feel motivated here to see the perks of stability and plugging into the abundance bubble that is Toronto. Never have I felt at home and want to spend time at home before.

I feel lucky. And you know what? This time it's well deserved.

I still get nightmares of last year or moments in my life where I was completely lost, not knowing what was in store the next day. How I was going to afford life. What I was going to do to make a living. How to stop sleeping on other people's couches. Not knowing if I was going to bleed to death when I went to sleep. Waking up tired or having crazy migraines. If my health would ever allow me to have a family of my own. If it allowed me to live another day. Who I was going to trust not to steal from me. Survival has some interesting challenges but in general its not a fun game. It's no longer a game I want to play. I know, it's true that life is a game. And you really never know when the game is over, it still could be tomorrow or next week or next year or later. Make every moment count. And fill it with abundance.

And really, whats helped me, is to realize that it is in the world's (aka the universe's) (aka everybody's) benefit for you to be a productive member of society and that you have to be the one who wants to take care of yourself. Everybody and everything around you will do anything in their power to help you get where you need to be, standing on two feet. On most days, it's easy to focus on the bad and selfish things that people do to each other. I dare say that it's part of human nature to want to help someone suffering or struggling. That thought alone makes me smile. Because at the core of it, we do want each other to live in abundance.

Now that I'm living in abundance ... I gotta say its not bad.