Current Progress

Saturday, March 30, 2013

Fighting for my life

fighting  present participle of fight (Verb)

  1. Take part in a violent struggle involving the exchange of physical blows or the use of weapons.
  2. Engage in (a war or battle).

So today was a perfect Saturday - started the day bright and early reading, working out, cooking and spending time with loved ones. I even got to go for a stroll in my neighbourhood along the waterfront and end the day with an epsom salt bath. It was a peaceful day that reminded me that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. And how different things were only a few short months ago.

I know what you're thinking - there's no point during today's day that was violent or involved physical blows or use of weapons. Thu, why are you wasting my precious attention span making me jealous of your relaxing day? Where's the fighting? Get to the point.

Ok, please read on :)

Six months ago, I was a mess. Obese, Diabetic, Depressed, Excessive Drug/Alcohol use, Broke, Unemployed, Angry and Lost. I was in a dark place and it was a spiralling mess that I didn't know how to get out of. My body had taken a beating from my actions over the past ten years and reacted in all ways to tell me that it wasn't going to tolerate anything else. (Diabetes, severe Menorrhagia and Endometrial Hyperplasia though I didn't know any of it at the time). I had walked the line with health years ago but my rocky unstable life as an entrepreneur in the past three years really didn't help my health in any way.  Thinking about this phase of my life still brings me to tears.

It all changed when I met a friend who had it worse than me. He introduced me to this concept of there's nothing that's definitively good or bad which really went against my lifelong hedonist view - that I valued and searched for pleasure (delicious food, laughs and fun) because I thought that was what was intrinsically good. Suffering and pain and happiness and love all happens; it's not good or bad. You need one to appreciate the other and that you just have to accept both. He became my teacher, guide and confidant as we worked on a mini project together. He introduced me to Deepak Chopra and Wayne Dyer and this whole world of self help, self awareness that I used to dismiss and scoff at.

By chance, he accompanied me one day to meet a random acquaintance from school who became a Naturopath and had just returned from Pakistan to set up her practice here. Having only been introduced to spirituality recently my mind was blown as the conversation spanned spiritual and supernatural experiences and learnings that they both had in their worldly travels. It was the first candid conversation where I was assured that reincarnation is true, that there was a shared field of consciousness in the universe, and that pharmaceutical drugs were not the only way to treat ailments. She became my doctor shortly after.

About the same time I landed my dream job combining all the skills and experiences I've ever had plus my interests. Funny enough, Deepak Chopra ran a 21 day meditation challenge that started on my first day of work and ended on my birthday. I had never meditated before and the theme was Creating Abundance - the timing couldn't have been more perfect.

What I had written off as random events I later learned was called Synchrodestiny - that the universe heard my cry for help and sent me a teacher and healer that I desperately needed as my guides and a career path that allowed me to support myself and afford the healing that I needed. My guardians were my triangle of support and love - and we called ourselves Team Doprah. This has been instrumental to the past six months of transformation.

Funny how things work out - the second 21-day meditation challenge with Oprah and Deepak called Perfect Health started the weekend that my gynecologist recommended a hysterectomy based on the results of my biopsies. It's been a struggle to come to terms with the risks I'm dealing with and the fate that could be mine. On the positive side, the timing couldn't be any better as each day's meditation is showing me that I'm taking steps in the right direction (or somehow my naturopath has been conversing with Oprah and Deepak what lessons to focus my attention on everyday :)

Right now I am in an all out war and fight for my life. I'm trying to break the cycles of bad habits and self abuse and disconnect between my mind and body as I dig deep and understand myself. My motivation is to get rid of diabetes and cancer for good. I really don't think I should pass away before my parents or grandparents. I absolutely love life and everything it has to offer - it's not time to go yet. I'm going to give it my best shot, trying to not have attachment to the outcome - just making sure that I make the best of every waking moment.

I now realize it, that unlike buying cars, you only get one body as a vehicle in this lifetime. There's no trade-in, there's no leaving it at the junk yard after it gets totalled to buy a brand new one. Your body gets manufactured in your mother and you keep the same one your entire life. The good news is, as I've recently learned, that each organ and cell in your body does regenerate and grow and have its ways of healing (if you cooperate), so you do get facelifts and repairs as time goes on - but at the core of it, you can't trade in your body for another. So treasure it - like a temple that holds your spirit. Without a healthy body, it's like a broken car that can't really take you anywhere that your mind and spirit want to go nor safely give any passengers a lift to where they need to go. The only person you can transform is yourself.

I wanted to describe my day to show you that fighting doesn't have to be painful or violent. It's carving out time to yourself to do what is most important to your mind and body. Easter and the start of spring, to me, signify transformation and I'm grateful to say the least about the turn of events.

I'm grateful for all the support so far for my fight. Thank you for continuing to read my long posts and giving me such unconditional love and support. It's become clearer to me that the only reason I've survived this long is because of my strong supportive relationships, as Deepak and Oprah spoke about this week:
We are social creatures, who thrive in community. Connecting with one another allows us to express our most heartfelt hopes and dreams and be of service to one another. Our supportive relationships enhance the positive messages we send our bodies each day and invite better health and wellbeing into our lives. Take a moment to be grateful for the many individuals who contribute to your life and in whose lives you make a difference.
What has transpired and still unfolding can't be captured in just one blog post but at least it's a start. It's great that in this upcoming month, both Deepak Chopra and Oprah are coming to Toronto. I'm tempted to use the word random and luck - but I know there's no such thing. I don't think they know how significant their meditation challenge has had on my transformation hope to have an opportunity to thank them in person. This time I'm hoping the universe reads blogs ;)